The World Through Her Eyes
by hoydenish
Summary: An ongoing story, with one chapter per episode, fleshing out some of Amanda's inner thoughts during points in the episode. May be re-rated later for future episode, but PG for mild language for now.
1. First Time

First Time

_Oh, Mother. You'd have me married off and pregnant again before the ink was even dry on my divorce papers. I know you only want me to be happy, but I wish you'd understand that there are more ways to be happy than to be someone's wife. Especially someone like Dean. It's unfair, but what I used to think were desirable qualities in a man, like stability and dependability, are now starting to feel like boredom and predictability. I just don't know how to tell you that. Or him, for that matter._

Rushing out the door in her nightgown and a trench coat, Amanda King drove to her boyfriend's house and then to the Amtrak station, leaving him on the platform with a lukewarm kiss. Sighing, she started to walk back towards her car.

_Oh my gosh, what is this man doing? What does he want? Is he trying to abduct me? No. He seems genuinely in need of help. I don't think he'd hurt me. There's something trustworthy about his face. But get on the train? In my nightgown? And give a package to a strange man? I couldn't. What would people think … Still, it must be very important, for him to have asked a perfect stranger for help. I guess I could do this one little thing. Wasn't I just thinking that what my life needed was a little excitement?_

She grabbed the package and stepped onto the train just as it started to roll. Looking down the platform, she saw him running, and then getting tackled by two other men. Her mouth widened in shock and concern.

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_This is horrifying. I bet that's the first station wagon that valet has ever parked. Who are these people, and what am I doing here with them? The sensible thing to do would have been to destroy that package. Or put it in the mail. Or arranged to meet Mr. Stetson someplace in Arlington, like the grocery store parking lot. But no, I had to satisfy my curiousity and come here. I guess I could always go straight back home._

A smooth voice from above stopped her retreat for the door, and her heart did a funny little flutter in her chest.

_That is a man who knows full well just how dangerously good looking he is, standing there in his tux. Lee. It's a nice name, and it suits him. Lee Stetson. Sounds like a cowboy character in one of Mother's romance novels. _

An attractive, Russian-looking woman breezed by, trailing her hand along Lee's chin and back.

_But who are these people he hangs around with? That woman was looking at him like he was a piece of meat. Oh, please. Could he be any more obvious? So it's like that, is it, Lee Stetson? Fair enough. Message received. At least he has the good manners to save me from that horrid Celeste. And someone obviously taught him how to dance like a gentleman. So he's not completely without good qualities. But a spy?! I think I would have preferred it if he really had been a gangster, instead of someone who deceives people for a living._

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She trotted after him as he briskly climbed the steps of the Jefferson Memorial.

_Poor man. He clearly needs someone to look after him, even if he won't admit it. No matter what he says, no-one prefers to survive without love and friendship. There's obviously a lot more to his story. And his partner! How terrible. Imagine, someone getting shot in the head just because of their job. He lives in a completely different world than mine. We may both be standing here on these steps, but he's on one side of an invisible wall, and I'm on the other. I need to learn to just leave well-enough alone. I can't take home every stray animal I find, no matter how lost and beautiful their eyes._

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She crept through the cellar quietly, listening to her heart pound in her ears.

_Alright, Amanda King. You're here. Now what are you going to do? This may be your most hair-brained idea ever. But I couldn't just let Lee get killed. Alright, they're taking him to that helicopter. If I pour sugar into their gas tank, they won't be able to follow us, if we manage to get away. Now, if I can just distract that man long enough for Lee to do … whatever it is that spies do. My goodness, it worked. But how does he expect me to fly this helicopter? They don't exactly cover that in home economics. But he needs me. If we're going to get out of this alive, we're going to have to work together._


	2. There Goes the Neighborhood

There Goes the Neighborhood

Amanda waited in the Georgetown foyer of International Federal Film, wondering how she was going to talk to Lee if there was no way to let him know she was there.

_Oh! There he was. Still good looking and still popping up unexpectedly, making me jump. He doesn't seem too happy to see me. I can practically read his thoughts. He isn't comfortable having me here in his office, and now that the danger has passed, he'd sooner die than admit that a simple housewife helped him out on one of his cases. Fine. I'm not going to beg. I'll just let him know I've got other options and be on my way. What an insufferably conceited man._

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She was starting to get a bad feeling about this job interview. Clearly Mr. Davenport had more on his mind than her typing skills.

_Oh dear. I really need a job, but this interview has sexual harassment written all over it. Someone, please save me. Wait. What is he doing here?! And pretending to be my husband! He's got a lot of nerve, considering he couldn't get rid of me fast enough not more than an hour ago. Sure, his arrival is just the excuse I need to get away from that horrid Mr. Davenport, and the horrible lies he's telling about our non-existent children are really rather amusing, but seriously, Lee Stetson, make up your mind!_

Walking across the street, he tried to make her understand that it wasn't his idea that they work together again, especially as they'd be undercover as husband and wife.

_Oh no. Nonononono. I am not going to pretend to be this man's wife. He may find lying for a living acceptable, but I do not. And he can't even make the effort to make it seem like he wants my help, blaming the situation on Mr. Melrose. Still, it sounds like an interesting case. Gun smuggling rings and Central American guerrillas. It would sure beat getting hit on by the Davenports of the world or making coffee for overweight executives. I might even make a difference, in some small way, and that would be a huge improvement on my current situation. But I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. _

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She was strangely reluctant to go home. Her mind was alive with all of the events of the day. He was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

_Wait a second. What is he doing unbuttoning his shirt? I thought we were going to break into the Bodine's house now. He looks like he's … getting ready for bed. Is he insinuating what I think he's insinuating? That I join him upstairs? I have never, in all my days, met a man as disturbingly self-assured as he is. It doesn't seem to matter what I say to discourage him. I'm sure his confidence is based on past success, but there is no way I'm throwing myself at him, no matter how lovely his torso may be. I may be naïve, but I know a bad idea with no future when I see one. Get my mind out of the gutter? Ha! You wish, Lee Stetson._

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They were in the kitchen, getting ready for their day. She was hanging a photo of Dean, to emphasize the fact that she was taken.

_For such an intelligent man, he's ridiculously misguided. Nothing about what I know of his life leads me to believe that is bears any resemblance to normality. He probably spends so much time around other spies and those socialites he seems to favour that he's completely lost touch with the rest of the world. Yes, Lee. Please, feel free to lecture me on how real people live. Pompous fool. But at least he has the good grace to admit when I'm right about something. I have no idea where the idea about Betty Bodine's hairdryer came from. It just seemed like a logical conclusion. And just as quickly as it blew in, his annoyance has disappeared and he's back to being kind and thoughtful again. I almost gave him a hug before he left for the day, but it felt wrong. He must be the most paradoxical man I've ever met. He's certainly never dull._

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Amanda looked over to see Lee being led into Bobby Bouchard's office, and her heart sank. He didn't look like he was in any position to be rescuing her.

_Now what do we do? He must have some sort of plan. He's the one who does this for a living. Why is he telling them he's a spy? Isn't that supposed to be some kind of secret? Oh, I see. More lies. Or rather, the truth, disguised as a lie, disguised as the truth. That must get complicated to keep straight. But in this case, it's probably the only way we're going to get out of here, so I better play along. If I grab a can of that hairspray, maybe I can spray it like mace into Bouchard's eyes and we can make a run for it. Gunshots! Just listen to Lee, Amanda. He knows what he's doing. He went to the trouble of coming to find you, so I doubt he'll let you fall from this crane. What a strange day. As harrowing as the events were, I never really stopped to consider that my life might be in danger. Maybe that's how he does this job. He just ignores the possibility that things might not turn out well. You'd probably do the same, if you made a living putting your life in danger in order to protect national security. Lee seems happy that he caught Bouchard and shut down the smuggling ring. Imagine, while the rest of us worry about balancing our chequebooks or working the mimeograph machine, he works on cases that could save countless lives. It must be tremendously exciting. I'm half-tempted to take him up on his offer to grab a drink, if only to hear him talk more about it, but I've already made plans with Dean tonight. Maybe some other time. _


	3. If Thoughts Could Kill

If Thoughts Could Kill

Amanda walked into the hospital room, anticipating Lee's reaction. Billy had already warned her what a terrible patient he was.

_Do your worst, Lee. I've been a Bedside Bluebell for a while now, and I've seen my fair share of grumpy patients. Besides, I'm getting paid to look after you. A job which you clearly aren't inclined to do yourself. _

She rolled him down the hallway in wheelchair, listening to his subtle mockery of her desire to be helpful.

_He has a frustrating tendency to break every rule in the rulebook. I don't think visiting the hospital room of the man he put in a coma is a wise idea, although from what I hear, he probably saved his life in the process. His voice seems so … different when he's talking to Mrs. Kimbal. Compassionate. Like he can identify with her pain. It's a side of him I hadn't seen up until now. _

The phone rang and Amanda picked up. It was Lee, calling from the hospital, asking her to pick up his comb at his apartment.

_Good lord his place is a dump. Whatever his newfound love for order and precision is about, it certainly hasn't spilled over to his housekeeping skills. I feel like I should be wearing latex gloves. And his neighbour obviously thinks I'm one of his girlfriends. Not in this lifetime, lady. A gift from the steno pool? How cute. He certainly has women lining up to fall all over him, and as his neighbour says, I'm sure "we girls" have our reasons. Reasons that I can only imagine. Although I notice none of these women have been to the hospital to visit him. He's obviously into casual relationships and not romantic ones. That fits. _

She led him outside, trying to improve his bad mood with some fresh air and sunshine.

_His mood is going from bad to worse. And what is he doing paying attention to my hem? His concern for Walt is touching, though. I'd like to help him, but all I can do is listen to him talk. He seems so tired. I don't know what possessed me to make that crack about the Freudian interpretation of his dreams. I guess I didn't want him to completely forget that I'm not just a nursemaid. I'm a woman too. Judging by his look, he got the message._

He was walking the hospital corridors, at her insistence. He was in an even worse mood than the day before.

_We don't get along? That's a bit harsh. We definitely don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that we don't get along. I'm going to try to remember that he's not acting like himself, but if he asks me to get him a woman one more time, like I was his pimp, he's going to find out that I'm not always this nice. Now take the damn chocolate bar. _

She grabbed the stuffed duck and ran through the hospital corridors, eventually ending up in the ambulance bay. She had to get to Lee, before it was too late.

_Not a rule breaker? Too bad you can't see me stealing this ambulance, Lee. No, you don't understand. I have to get into that conference room, or Lee is going to kill Billy. Oh hell. What do I do now? Everyone is staring at me. The duck. I have to use the duck to get through to him. That's right, Lee. Look at me. Don't look at Billy. There. I can see the recognition seeping back into those eyes of yours. My heart is pounding. I don't know what came over me, but I just knew that I had to stop him. Thank heavens I did._


	4. Magic Bus

Magic Bus

Amanda was trying to scrub grass stains out of Philip and Jamie's clothes when the phone rang.

_Not Dean in a thousand years? Oh my. What is Lee doing calling me here at home? What if my mother had picked up? Right. Billy needs my help. It's vital to national security that you park a secret military recreational vehicle in my driveway for the night. This has got disaster written all over it._

She was crouched down, cleaning out her kitchen Tupperware cabinet, when her mother started her interrogation.

_An affair? Just where is my mother getting her intelligence? Has she maybe picked up on my ambivalence about Dean? She couldn't possibly know about Lee. I mean, what's there to know about Lee? If he really had been propositioning me back when we first met, and I'm not even certain that he was, he's been nothing but a perfect gentlemen ever since. In fact, he's been downright virginal, which is funny, considering the stories about him that I hear from the girls at the Agency. Jeez! It's like he heard me thinking about him. Get down, Lee! Before my mother sees you._

_Oh, so it's "we" now, is it? You must need something pretty badly to be including yourself in that pronoun, Lee. Ah, there we go. It was Billy's idea. Isn't it always. Somehow, I never imagined being a spy would involve golfing at a country club. But at least he's telling me about the case. That's a marked improvement from "you don't need to know why I'm asking you to sort these files in reverse alphabetical order". And yes, I'm quite capable of looking._

She'd lost her golf ball in the rough so many times that she'd run out of spare balls, and was now just following the others, feeling frustrated.

_Of course Lee's good at golf. He seems to be good at pretty much everything. I, on the other hand, am feeling humiliated. Mrs. Standish seems to want to get me away from the men. I wonder why? Now that we're out of earshot of her husband, she's really opening up. So they are members of the Survivors! And she wants us to join them at a weekend retreat. I can't wait to tell Lee. I may not be able to golf, and I haven't seen the weasel-faced man, but my being here wasn't a total waste. I can't resist rubbing it in a little bit._

They entered the Georgetown foyer of the Agency in mid-argument, Lee insisting that Amanda not attend the Survivor's weekend retreat. Neither realized that Billy and Francine were observing their exchange from the security camera downstairs.

_That is completely unfair! I'm the one who secured the invitation to this retreat thing in the first place, and now he doesn't want me to go. No, is insisting that I not go. Isn't there some espionage rule about this sort of thing? Like the agent that gets the lead has to finish the assignment. Sort of like giving the win to the starting pitcher in baseball. Stop fidgeting long enough for me to clip this badge on, Lee. Ha! See! Billy agrees with me!_

After a two mile jog, the Survivors crested a hill and came to a stop in front of a stream. Amanda threw herself to the ground, while Lee stretched his legs.

_So that's what he looks like without his clothes, I mean pants on. Sometimes not knowing is better, Amanda. I think at this point it is safe to say that he's not horribly disfigured in some way that is going to make him less attractive, and I'm just going to have to come to terms with that. But that doesn't mean that I have to give him the satisfaction of knowing it. His ego certainly doesn't need the boost. I'll tell him his legs are just "not bad". _

_I can't believe it. He's actually letting me ask him a personal question. I hardly know where to start. How can a code name be too personal? Fine, I don't even know if he's ever been married. Oh for crying out loud! I've never met a more frustratingly private man …._

Amanda looked up at Donahue Dam, imagining the loss of human life if Standish got his way and destroyed it, just to make a point about national self-sufficiency.

_This job goes from intriguing to terrifying in the blink of an eye. Could they be serious about blowing up that dam? Lee certainly seems to think that they are, and he's the expert in these things. I hope he won't think any less of me if I admit that I'm scared._

_Oh! Breaking the Jeep headlight. Very clever, Lee. Just hold still while I cut these bonds. It certainly beats you tickling my butt for the next five minutes. I've never seen someone so utterly fearless with his body. I wonder if that's his training, or if he just has no consideration for his well-being? Either way, if he thinks I'm going to leave him on the ground, felled by a gunshot wound, while I drive this RV off into the sunset, he obviously hasn't figured me out yet. Hopefully he's not in such bad shape that he can't figure out how to turn off those missiles before it's too late. Just concentrate on driving and not running off the road, Amanda. Lee's got everything under control. He has to._

After the bus had been disabled, Lee and Amanda stepped outside, and she cut his jeans away from his injured leg.

_First his legs in shorts, now wrapping one of his thighs. I suppose that's what you might call a fringe benefit of the job. Is he going to admit to Francine that it was me driving? Apparently he is. That must have cost him. But he's still not able to admit that I did a good job. Playing it all cool like he doesn't care if he sees me again or not. You're not fooling me, Scarecrow. And if you want to try your luck flirting with me, you'd better be prepared for me to flirt right back._


	5. The ACM Kid

The A.C.M. Kid

Amanda rang the doorbell to Lee's apartment at eight o'clock.

_Ooops. I forgot he wasn't much of a morning person. He isn't even dressed yet, and I've been up for hours. Just another one of the ways in which we are tremendously different. But it's a good thing I'm here, otherwise this Alexei kid would be eating stale crackers and Tang for breakfast._

_Oh, knock it off, Lee. Just because you're used to potentially threatening situations doesn't mean you have to mock me. Jerk._

She arrived at the Lug Wrench Bar, watching Lee play his cover as Ricky Jo Jackson.

_Okay. You took drama in university, Amanda. This is the same thing. Your role is to pretend to be Lee's, I mean Ricky Jo's wife. Be convincing. By the look on Lee's face, I'm doing alright. And since he enjoys teasing me so much, it seems like a perfect opportunity to even the score a bit. Teasing him about his lack of sexual prowess is probably a bit underhanded, and also way off the mark, but the look on his face makes it all worthwhile._

She had just finished tidying Lee's apartment when he came home for the night.

_Look at him, trying to make up for Alexei's lousy childhood with toys and games. A rookie mistake, but incredibly sweet. He seems to identify with this kid in a way that makes me wonder what his own childhood was like. I thought for a moment he was going to tell me, but apparently the embargo on personal information is still in effect. I can still draw my own conclusions, however. And of course I hear things at the Agency. I've ignored them, for the most part. He's the sort of man who collects rumours almost as quickly as he collects phone numbers. In the absence of actual facts about a person, people are bound to create their own. Personally, I'd rather get my information from the source. Once the source is ready to be forthcoming with it, that is._

She straddled Dean's back, kneading his tight shoulder muscles.

_If this was Lee underneath me, I bet I still wouldn't be playing amateur masseuse. Stop it, Amanda! It's bad enough he has your attention all the time when you're at work. He has no place here in your home, when you're spending time with your actual boyfriend. Your actual boyfriend whose appeal is starting to wear so thin that you don't mind that your son is joining you on your date. Now who could that be, ringing the doorbell at this hour? Oh. Oh my. He remembered. He remembered and he drove all the way to Arlington to bring me a stuffed panda. Did he remember what I said about buying my affections, too? What am I thinking, of course he did. The man probably hasn't forgotten anything since 1980. But that isn't what this is about. This is just a nice thank you gesture between co-workers. A sweet gesture. Oh hell. If you wanted to make certain I was thinking about you while I'm out on my date with Dean tonight, Lee Stetson, then mission accomplished._


	6. Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Always Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Lee was taking Francine and Billy through his slide presentation about Prince and Princess Khan of Zaqir when Amanda knocked on the office window.

_What is it about Francine Desmond and her thinly veiled contempt that makes me so nervous? She hasn't liked me since the moment I set foot in the Agency, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. Something tells me it has something to do with Lee. Speaking of Lee, at least he was kind enough to break the tie between Francine and Billy and invite me into Billy's office when I was feeling so unwelcome. It feels good to know that he's on my side. Or at least, not on Francine's side._

_I had a little speech all prepared about how my value to the Agency would increase if I could take a few simple training courses, but with Francine's barbs flying through the air, I got nervous and muddled it up. Still, Billy said I could take some courses, so that's something. Now what is it Lee wants me to do this time?_

Amanda waited nervously outside an elementary school with Lee for the princess to arrive.

_This job is completely nerve-racking. As if it weren't bad enough that I don't know how to be an agent properly, now I also have to know how to behave around royalty and heads of state. Lee makes it seem like it should come naturally, but he isn't factoring in for my tendency to blurt out silly things when I'm nervous. The princess seems like a nice woman, however, and she put me at ease right away. So much so that for most of the tour, I forgot entirely who she was and just treated her as I would any other visitor to the school. That must be why she felt comfortable confiding in me about the stresses of her marriage. Right up until Lee burst into the ladies' room, gun drawn._

Amanda stood overlooking the pool at the royal reception, watching Lee approach.

_I can't help but tease him a little bit about being let into the party, after his incredulous look when I told him I had been invited by the princess. Just because I don't have his experience moving in these circles doesn't mean I can't play the part, when the need arises. I even look like I belong here, if I do say so myself. Heaven forbid that he comment, but I wonder if he even notices. No, not Agent Lee Stetson. When he's on duty he is all business, schooling me on how to behave when undercover. Still, I was the one who asked for training, so I can hardly complain when he offers up advice. But he does have the most annoying habit of appearing and disappearing out of thin air._

Later, at Bo Johnson's ranch, Amanda and the princess were speaking in Amanda's bedroom at night.

_I feel strange dispensing with marital advice to a woman married to a royal head of state, but Penelope seems so lonely and trapped in her life, and I can certainly identify with that. People are people, after all, no matter what their official title may be._

_Oh gosh, what if Lee heard me talking about sexy nightgowns? I need to distract him, before he asks me what that was about. I'll tell him the princess thinks he's cute. That's the sort of compliment I know he'll lap right up. Of course, I'm not going to feed his insufferable ego by admitting I agree with her. As I said to Penelope earlier, sometimes dangerous can be dangerous. But he seems pleased with the information I've managed to gather on the case so far. That's something._

Standing next to Lee, watching the prince and princess drive off …

_Aha. I knew the cute comment would come back to bite me. It's so hard not to look at him when we're talking, and especially not when we're talking about his being cute. I don't know why I let him know that the princess thinks we're involved. I guess I wanted him to understand that a woman like Penelope clearly didn't find it difficult to believe that we could be having an affair._


	7. Service Above and Beyond

Service Above and Beyond

The phone rings in the West-King household and Amanda answers.

_There go my plans for a relaxing evening in. What is it about that man that makes him impossible to say no to? Well, except that one time. But as usual, my curiosity is peaked. A nice party dress. The Reflecting Pool. Lee Stetson in a tux. Sign me up._

She finally sees Lee leaning against his Porsche near the Lincoln Memorial.

_For someone who was so desperate for my company not ninety minutes ago, he's awfully unenthused to see me. Maybe he's angry I'm late. Or maybe I'm not dressed appropriately. I changed my mind three times before finally deciding on this dress. I'm still getting over the indignity of showing up at that costume party wearing a cardigan when we first met, and I want him to know that even housewives from Arlington can clean up pretty well. Not that he appears to have noticed. And it would appear that my sole purpose tonight is to serve as arm candy for Lee while he meets with an informant at a party. You would think he had plenty of other women well-qualified to play that role that he could have called on, but as he says, it's a Friday night. I guess he was desperate._

At the Quickie Chickie Snack Shack party …

_This is awkward. At least if we were dancing, the fact that he won't look at me or talk to me would be less obvious. He must think my idea of a "good time" is pretty pathetic, if this is supposed to qualify._

_Oh gosh. Lee didn't say whether I was allowed to make contact with anyone at the party, and now he's off meeting with his informant. What should I say? Alright, stay calm, Amanda. I'll give him a made up name. And what harm could come of dancing with him? He seems like a very nice man._

The next day, Amanda is in Billy's office, describing her phone conversation with James Delano.

_I'm finding it really hard not to sound triumphant. Much to Lee's obvious shock, I've been asked out on a date by James Delano. A sophisticated man who moves in glamourous circles far removed from Little League and the PTA. And I'm going to be going undercover on my own for the very first time!_

_The whole "scenario" created by the Agency for Victoria Greenwich is amazing. I had no idea that false lives could be created out of thin air with such ease. It's all rather overwhelming, but Lee is doing a good job explaining everything to me, which is comforting. He's obviously done this a million times before._

Amanda makes a beeline for the ladies room at the restaurant during her date with Delano, calling for Lee to join her there.

_I don't see why he's so angry. I'm doing the best I can, but this is all so new to me and it's making me nervous, knowing that Lee is listening to everything I say from the surveillance van. He's acting strangely territorial, as though the fact that Jim seems interested in me is somehow a bad thing. You know what, Lee Stetson, I'm done with listening to you come up with lame excuses for why you're angry. You're the one who put me in this situation by inviting me to that stupid party and then insisting I accept a date with James Delano. If you don't like the results, then you can take your jewel-encrusted snooping device and get out of my way!_

Afterwards, at Victoria Greenwich's mansion …

_I wonder who James Delano wants to have a nightcap with, Amanda King or Victoria Greenwich? Both of them have to say goodnight, but it's nice to know that the option was there._

_Lee. At least he doesn't look mad at me anymore. I'm a little ashamed of how I behaved earlier, but he makes me so mad sometimes, I can't think properly. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how the rest of my date with Jim went. If he wants to know, he can read about it in my report._

Amanda meets with Lee the next day in front of the Smithsonian Museum.

_It was nice of Lee to apologize for last night. And I can tell that he's concerned about my continued involvement in this case, but I've come this far, so I'm going to see it through to the end. He doesn't have to look quite so shocked that James already invited me to his party, though. I may not be Victoria Greenwich, and my fantasy-life is probably about to come crashing down to earth, but I know when I have a man's attention._

Driving to the party on Saturday night …

_Yes, I remember every single word you said about fantasies, Lee. And I confessed to having had fantasies about secret agents, although I made it sound like they were a thing of the past. They aren't, and something about your little speech makes me think you know that. Is that how you manage to be kind and considerate to me and yet distant at the same time? By keeping your feelings separate from your work? I can't do that, and I don't think all the experience in the world will help. I'm just not made that way._

_Just what was that? How am I supposed to at least pretend to be aloof and not care what he thinks when he tells me I look fabulous using that voice he saves for when he really wants something? I had to bite my lip to keep from returning the compliment._

Amanda walks upstairs in Delano's home, Hollander's gun pointed at her back.

_Oh Lee, I need you. Please come find me. This man has a gun and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he has no qualms about using it. He just hit me across the face and he's going to inject me with some kind of drug to get me to talk. But I don't have any information that he'll find useful, and then he'll kill me for certain. I can feel a scream rising in my throat, and then blackness._

The next day, Amanda hears a light tap on her back window.

_I somehow knew he'd come here tonight. I've been thinking about him all day. I have these vague memories of his voice telling me how sorry he is, and me wanting to tell him not to be sorry because he saved me. I chose to go to that party, and if it wasn't for him finding me when he did, I'd likely be dead. I've been thinking about our conversation about fantasies as well. I think he's right. There's no point living in some dream world where the handsome secret agent comes and rescues me from suburbia. That's a plot from one of mother's novels, but it's not real life. In real life, Amanda King is a single suburban mother of two with an exciting but dangerous job as a part-time civilian auxiliary intelligence agent. And Lee Stetson is a charming but frustrating man who makes a living tricking people into trusting him, not saving damsels in distress._

_Still, it's nice to see him, and to make him squirm a bit about what must have been an uncharacteristic outburst of sincerity in the ambulance. I'm sad I don't remember it. But not as sad as I am that I don't remember the feeling of him carrying me in his arms._


	8. Saved by the Bells

Saved by the Bells

Amanda sits in her kitchen, preparing a cake for Jamie's birthday party.

_Oh dear. Mother is back to trying to convince me that Dean has secret depths. Believe me, mother, I've become quite familiar with "secret depths" these past few months, and they are something that Dean does not possess. Naming a violent meteorological event after your girlfriend is not a grand romantic gesture. Putting your life on the line to save someone you care about is a grand gesture. *phone rings* Speak of the devil …_

Amanda arrives at Lee's apartment, after he pleads with her on the phone that he needs her help.

_A fish. Lee cajoled me into dropping everything I was doing and driving straight over to his apartment because he wants me to take care of a fish. I'm pathetic. I can't even manage to be mad at him. All he has to say is "please" in that voice of his, and I'm putty in his hands._

_Oh, I'm his Partner, now. How convenient. He jets off to Bermuda to cavort with women in bikinis, and his pal and sometimes-partner Amanda takes care of his fish. At least I can make him squirm a little bit by threatening to clean his apartment. Lord knows what little tidbits of Lee Stetson personal information I'll find. Like his and hers bathrobes. It's like housekeeping for Hugh Heffner. Sometimes, it's better not to know, Amanda._

Amanda is taken out of the packing crate after being abducted from Lee's apartment.

_Why I never … I'm so angry, I don't even feel fear. How could it be that they think that I'm Lee? And how am I going to convince them that I'm not? Oh my gosh. This man is convinced that I'm Scarecrow, and he wants to trade me for that Soviet spy Lee caught. The Agency will never go for that. And then these men will kill me. Okay, now I'm scared._

Amanda arrives at the golf course, and sees Lee from a distance.

_Lee! Oh thank god. I thought he was in Bermuda. I should have known he'd figure out a way to get me back. Alright, just drive, Amanda. Just drive the golf cart towards Lee. God, I've never been so scared. I don't like breaking down in front of Lee, but he's shaking as badly as I am. Thank you for coming to get me, Lee._

Francine arrives at Amanda's house …

_What is Francine saying? I can't believe Lee didn't have permission to trade Rostov for me! What was he thinking, violating an order like that? I knew he'd break the rules for himself, or to get a job done, but I never imagined he'd go that far out on a limb for me. I have to help him. He saved me, and now it's my turn to save him. He can't lose his job. Not over this. He's the best there is. I'm so upset I can't even gloat over Francine admitting that Lee will turn to me first for help._

Amanda pulls up in front of Lee's gym …

_That's him. If he's in disguise, he obviously thinks they're still out looking for him. Why won't he just admit that he needs my help? I'm sincere in saying that I respect his need to be self-reliant. The more I get to know Lee, the more his stubborn refusal to ask for help seems like altruism, and not a personality flaw. But I'm already a part of this. He wouldn't be in trouble if it weren't for me, and now he's in my car as we get chased by what are surely government agents, so I'm complicit in that as well. But oh, I hate driving over the speed limit!_

Lee and Amanda drive around the neighbourhood where she believes she was held.

_Why is he getting so angry with me? I'm doing the best that I can. Does he think that it comes easily to me, remembering how fast the car was going and what sounds I heard outside? I wasn't trained as a spy like he was! Wait, those bells … and that dog barking … that's the place!_

_And now we're both being held captive. This day keeps going from bad to worse. I can tell that Lee is very annoyed that our captors keep referring to me as Scarecrow, but at least it takes the attention off of him so that he can plan our escape. At least, I hope that's what he's doing. He's running his fingers through his hair, and he only does that when he's really worked up about something. I've been so focused on worrying about being sent to Moscow, it hadn't even occurred to me what was in store for him. I'm very sorry, Lee. If I could trade places with you, I would._

Amanda fakes biting down on a cyanide pill, and they escape from the room where they are held.

_Why do I have to make a run for it? Lee's much better at running through a hail of bullets. And of course the receptionist won't put me through to Mr. Melrose. Now I just have to get back in there and convince those men not to hurt Lee without giving away the fact that I couldn't fire a gun if my life depended on it. Piece of cake._

Back at Amanda's house, Jamie is despondent about his birthday party and Pretzel the Clown when the doorbell rings.

_I can't believe it. I didn't even think Lee was listening to me while I went on about Jamie's birthday party. He really has perfected the grand romantic gesture. Grand gesture. Not romantic. Just grand._


	9. Sudden Death

Sudden Death

Amanda arrives in Billy's office to receive her new assignment.

_I can't believe it. Billy and Francine are briefing me on my very own assignment! And no Lee in sight. Because he's undercover as a football player, and I'll be responsible for getting his messages back to Billy. That's funny, because I always saw Lee more as a track team, water polo kind of guy. Maybe baseball. He's much too pretty for football. But the fact that he got ejected from a bunch of universities comes as no great surprise. That man couldn't follow a regulation unless it was poured into a short skirt and had a name ending in an "i"._

Amanda finds Lee in the team locker room.

_Apparently getting the stuffing beat out of him makes Scarecrow testy. Testier. I can tell he's in pain, but he's pretending otherwise. Macho jock. Fine, give me the report for Billy and I'll be on my way._

Later that night, she waits outside the dormitory window for Lee …

_There he is. I was getting tired of crouching in these bushes. This must be how Lee feels, waiting in my backyard for me. I don't understand how a football play found in the office of a football team owner is suspicious, but I guess that's what makes him the super-spy, and me the assistant, sorry, apprentice agent. Mmmmpppphhhhhhh. What the …? Oh. Oh my. Okay, calm down, Amanda. Lee's just kissing you so as not to blow his cover. He probably does this all the time. Just look at that cocky grin that says he knows exactly just how hard my heart is pounding. The only reasonable response is to pretend like it means nothing at all. Because it means nothing at all. I hardly know what I said to that coach, but whatever it was, it seems to have kept his cover from being blown._

The next day at practice…

_I figured he'd ignore our little window assignation, but instead he seems to want to bring it up again. I'd never give him the satisfaction of knowing that I couldn't fall asleep last night, for thinking about it. Anyway, we've got a job to do. Right after I get rid of that half-naked cheerleader. I'm sure Lee has "fluffed some pompoms" in his day, but right now he's working, and that means he's with me. Take a number._

Amanda drives her car with Beyla in the backseat …

_Lee and Billy and Francine are never going to believe this! I've got Beyla. He went missing, and I found him! Or rather, he found me. But now those two men in plaid blazers have grabbed him, and I've got to get him back. Hopefully there's something on these chauvinistic Agency training tapes that says something about re-apprehending a witness in protective custody once he's been stolen out from under your nose. Oh, Lee is going to be so mad at me for losing him …_

Amanda wakes up in a straightjacket, lying uncomfortably on a couch.

_Boy, Lee Stetson, you sure know how to show a girl a good time. First you kiss me through a dormitory window with a football coach watching on, and now we spend the night together in straightjackets. I'm surprised I managed to sleep at all. But at least now we know what's going to happen to Beyla. Lee will stop them, if we can just get there in time._

Amanda sees Lee pop up outside her kitchen window.

_Ah, there he is. I had a feeling he'd show up tonight, after his rude behaviour earlier in the case. The football gift is sweet, and so very Lee, and the champagne is a nice touch. Yes, Lee Stetson, you definitely know how to show a girl a good time, especially where there's an open window involved._


	10. The Long Christmas Eve

The Long Christmas Eve

Amanda and her mother are decorating their Christmas tree.

_Christmas brings out the sentimental worst in my mother. It never fails, and now she has Project Dean to work on. At least I can placate her with the promise that he will be here for Christmas dinner. Considerate to a fault. Not very long ago, I wouldn't have thought that was possible. But what's consideration if you don't have any …. passion? Beyond meteorology, that is._

Lee and Amanda drive towards Rudolph's cabin…

_Oh, I didn't mean to slip up and mention fatherless children. Now he knows that I know. I suppose it's for the best. We've known each other for three months, he's committed treason to save my life, and yet the only personal things I know about him I've had to hear from other people. Maybe if he knows that I know a bit about his history, he won't be so reticent about talking about himself._

_Oh, listen to him going on about how the way he spends Christmas isn't lonely. He's got the script so perfected, I bet he almost believes it himself. The ultimate scenario. But just when I thought he was going to leave it at that, he goes and starts talking about his life growing up on his uncle's military bases. Will Christmas miracles never cease. A little chink in the Lee Stetson armour._

Walking through the woods towards Rudolph's cabin …

_Speaking of the military, I wonder whether this forced march isn't some kind of test. Or punishment. Scarecrow likes to work alone, and I'm only here because I'm a plausible substitute for Rudolph's daughter._

_Ouf! What is Lee doing on top of me? This can't have anything to do with maintaining his cover, because he doesn't have a cover on this case. Could he be making another pass at me? Everything I hear about him around the Agency tells me that he's bedded pretty much every female agent he's worked with, so maybe it's my turn. Or … not. God, how embarrassing. I might as well be wearing a t-shirt that reads "Take me you big stud", except he'd still manage to overlook it. His tastes clearly don't run to suburban housefrau, no matter how gallantly he may treat me._

Inside Rudolph's cabin …

_Poor Mr. Rudolph. How terrible not to recognize your own daughter. I feel terrible lying to him, but Lee says that other agents will die if Rudolph doesn't believe that I'm Karen for at least as long as it takes to bring him back to the Agency._

_I know Lee is the best there is, but this seems like a hopeless situation. How can he just walk out there knowing those two KGB agents are trying to kill him, kill us? When life throws him a problem, his first instinct if to respond with violence. I'm sure it's served him well, but it could also get him killed. But he won't listen to me._

_Oh no. Lee. Too much blood. What can I do? I have to make him comfortable, have to clean the wound, have to figure out a way to get us all out of here. If our odds were bad with two healthy agents with guns, they are non-existent with just one. I don't want to go against Lee's wishes, but it's time to call that truce, or else he's going to die and that's just not acceptable. And I can't keep pretending to be Karen Rudolph. I'm sorry to cause this Rudolph man any more pain than he's already suffered, but he needs to know why I have to risk my own life to save Lee's._

_I've never walked in front of a KGB firing squad before. But there's really no other way. Maybe if I appeal to their basic human goodness. I know that Lee and Mr. Rudolph don't believe that these Russians have any good inside them, but I can't agree with that. I've never been more scared, but then again, the stakes have never been quite so important._

_Now that Dmitri is back from the car with our first aid supplies, I'm feeling much calmer. There's something I can do to keep myself occupied. I can help Lee and Ivan, I can cook, and I can make sure all these male egos don't break my Christmas truce._

_Lee under the influence of several shots of Russian vodka is a sight to behold. He's let his guard down and he's friendlier. Funnier. A lot more honest. If I have to spend Christmas away from my family, this is where I want to be. With him, singing Christmas carols with the KGB._

The next morning, Amanda wakes up on her living room sofa.

_Home. I can't believe I made it home. Here in my warm living room, with presents under the Christmas tree, and my two wonderful boys to wake me up. This is what I wish for everyone I care about. Poor Lee, alone in his hospital room. I'll just call him. Because everyone deserves to know that they're in someone's thoughts at Christmastime._


	11. Remembrance of Things Past

Remembrance of Things Past

Lee and Amanda are sitting at a table at Monk's bar.

_So this is what Lee does when he's not being a spy. He hangs around with other spies. Not that I believe he spends all his free time at Monk's. I'm quite aware of his reputation for frequenting places considerably less … wholesome … but I certainly never expected him to take me there when I asked to see what he did after work. Actually, I wasn't expecting him to take me anywhere, and was nothing less than shocked when he responded to my offhand question by suggesting that I join him after work for a drink. Months ago, I would have nervously laughed off the invitation or made some excuse, but a lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then. And something about the way Lee offered made me understand that it was made as a gesture of friendship, and not an invitation to seduction, as in the past. That made it easy to accept. Which isn't to say that the low, intimate voice he's using to describe our surroundings at Monk's isn't decidedly seductive. It's just not deliberately so._

After abruptly leaving Monk's, Lee and Amanda stand by her car.

_I can't believe he's being so blasé about his safety when there's someone killing agents in town! I thought he was just putting on a good show for the two reporters inside, but he really doesn't seem concerned. But I'm more than concerned enough for the two of us, especially now that he's received that threatening note. I'm not above a little flirtatious manipulation, if that's what it takes to keep Lee safe, so I complimented his bravery and emphasized my lack thereof, all to get him to agree to a drive home. Good thing it worked._

Standing at the Lee's graveside after his funeral …

_This can't be happening. I refuse to believe this is happening. I'm standing in Arlington National Cemetery, surrounded by people I barely know and who barely knew Lee. And he's gone. The other night, he was alive and stubborn and full of his usual sharp wit, and now he's just … gone. It doesn't seem possible, like I'm living in some kind of dream world and when I wake up, he'll be back in my backyard or on the phone, convincing me to drop everything and follow him on some crazy mission. Instead, I'm going to have to go home and pretend like I'm not grieving for the loss of a wonderful man. Because he was wonderful. Frustrating, and misguided, but wonderful. And now he's gone. I don't think I'll be able to look out into my backyard ever again._

Dottie and the boys leave for Williamsburg, and Amanda is alone in her family room.

_It's like Lee could see the future, when he warned me during the James Delano case that I shouldn't get emotionally involved in my work. At the time, we both pretended that he was talking about my involvement with Delano, but we both knew he also meant any emotional attachment I might be developing towards him. And I meant to listen to him, I really did, but he just kept being so … Lee. How are you not supposed to become emotionally attached to someone who risks his reputation, his job or even his life to keep you safe? You can't. And now I'm paying the price. Damn him for making me care._

_I …. I …. I…. Lee's not dead. Not dead. Not alone in the ground in Arlington National Cemetery, but standing there smiling at me like I've never seen him smile before. I don't even know what I'm saying, I'm so overcome. But I know what I'm feeling. Joy. Disbelief. Shock. Tricked. Like this was all just an exercise for me to realize how much I enjoyed having him in my life. And consequently very, very angry. I can tell all these emotions are making him feel awkward, since emotions aren't exactly his forte, but he deserves to feel just as terrible as I did up to a minute ago. I stutter out something about how I care about him, and to my shock he replies in kind, and all of a sudden things are getting a lot too real and I need a safer topic of conversation, before I say something damning. The man's been dead for three days – he must be hungry._

_Wait, he wants to stay here at my place? Right after that little emotional interlude in my living room? I can't even imagine how that would work. Of course he refuses to take no for an answer, and the next thing I know, I'm getting clean bedding out of the linen closet. Damn him for being impossible to refuse._

Later that night, Lee and Amanda are eating dinner.

_So Lee can cook. And he's been to Japan. Today has been full of revelations. I can't help but make a teasing reference to his many girlfriends, but he shrugs it off casually. If the women he dates don't know how to cook, it's safe to say they aren't suburban housewives. Not that I would have expected them to be …_

At the hotel for transients …

_This may go down as one of the seediest places I've ever set foot in, and here I am pretending to be checking in for a good time, not a long time. This job makes it so hard to retain my dignity. And the room is no better, smelling like cheap beer and sweat and looking like it hasn't seen a mop since Carter was in office. It's all I can do not to call down to the desk for some Lysol and a bucket. But instead I look for "clues", whatever they may be. I enter the bathroom and before I know what's happening, I'm grappling with a man dressed in black and screaming for Lee, who bursts through the door seconds later. I'm shaking with adrenalin and I slide down the wall and take his hands in mine gratefully, trying to calm my nerves with his touch._

_As though the circumstances of our arrival weren't embarrassing enough, now the desk clerk thinks we've been making so much noise in this bed together that we've disturbed the other hotel guests. Lovely. If my mother could see me now._

Checking in with Billy at the Agency …

_Oh, Francine. If Lee were really dead, I can assure you that these tears would be real and the very last thing I'd be mourning were my lost career prospects. How differently we view the world._

Arriving back at Amanda's home from the Bonnyville Drive-In …

_Poor Lee. He's wound up like a spring-loaded toy. He's obviously not used to spending his nights making casual conversation and washing dishes. I can't help but tease him about it, but at the same time it makes me a little sad, how difficult it is for him simply to relax._

The next morning, Amanda arrives at Lee's apartment building to pick up his list of things.

_I shall not snoop. I shall not snoop. Oh who am I kidding? It says something about Lee's taste in women that they leave a note instead of waking him up in the morning, and that they sign their name using a happy face. Even the doorman thinks his lifestyle is degenerate._

Lee overpowers Russell Sinclair, who falls from the fire escape.

_Thank you for coming to my rescue yet again, Lee. I never doubted for a second that you would. But now I'd really like to be untied. Your doorman and the hotel desk clerk from the other night should compare notes about our kinky sex life. Non-existent kinky sex life, that is. Am I disappointed that we don't have a reason to continue to pretend to be "real" people together? Damn you, Lee Stetson, for asking me a question that I can't answer honestly._


End file.
